Friday, September 26, 2014

Day 65...AH-HA moment!!!!!

From the very beginning of being an artist, I knew that I loved color, even before that really.  In fashion, in my environment and how it came out of my head, filling substrates with crazy thoughts.  When I applied to Transart my proposal was based off the history of pigments, the primaries to be specific.  As I got accepted, went to Berlin and discussed this proposal over and over again, I decided to tweak it and simplify it.  To just focus on red, my favorite color in the spectrum.  With the traveling that I was doing, it seemed perfect!  Immerse myself into the cultural red and still draw the parallel to myself at the end of the day.  But I still didn't know, exactly how this would all play out, what it would physically look like in art.  In theory it's there and snowballing into a wonderful text of relationship, influence and passion, but physically I was blank.  In Berlin, we did not have a ton of a studio time, and in Greece I forced it, and you can tell.  It wasn't until Riomaggiore, that I found myself drawn to specific pattern and design in water and rock formations.  The Earth.  I drew regularly, which I haven't had the desire to do in over 15 years and found myself, comfortably locked into a subject matter, for the first time ever.  I do not want to say that I have been a poser for the past 10 years as an artist, but for the FIRST TIME EVER I feel genuine and my creative self.

This trip wasn't just for continuing my research but to give myself the opportunity to just create.  I have NEVER had that, always having a full-time job that consumes me, friends and family, social obligation etc.  LIFE. For the past 65 days it has been just me and my art, for the first time ever.  It was an awkward relationship at first, I knew that it would work out, but the "getting to know you" phase was not pretty.  As I have been Pisa (which was the unplanned portion of this journey)  I spent 5 days doing absolutely nothing in a hotel, laying in bed, reading and not creating.  I was worried that all the effort I had put into this artistic relationship had failed already.  Then I moved into an apartment, where it was the reunion of a lifetime!  I have painted non-stop for four days, and in that four days I have found an artistic voice so genuine, that it made me cry.  The style that I have been working with the past several years, was based on a intuitive collaboration with the influences of other artist.  Always giving kudos to those before me, this time I feel like my voice, my inner being is being reflected whole-heartedly.  Authentic for the first time.  With this series of work I have been doing, not only am I a truer artist, but a truer human being.  That is a huge relief that I didn't realize I needed. Things will always evolve into something different, that is my favorite part of life, it always changes, but for now I can honestly say that I am more happier in this moment than I have ever been:)

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